I remember going away to college for the first time and not visiting home again for a few months. It was the longest I’d lived away, and I was super shocked to come back to my house and realize that it smelled like home. I’d never thought my house smelled like anything in particular.
It’s that kind of feeling that catches you by surprise when you come home from traveling. You expect things to be weird in other countries. You find out they don’t flush toilet paper (if they use it at all) in Asia, but you knew things were going to be odd like that. You meet people in Europe who don’t speak English, but you expected it. You’re prepared for money to look different, cultures to be new, and day to day life to take getting used to.
What you don’t really plan for is coming home and having everything you grew up with all of a sudden seem foreign. Reverse culture shock caught me far more by surprise than anything I ran into abroad.
The cool part of this is being able to see your own country from the perspective of visitors. Cool and sometimes horrifying. Mostly though, I had a whole new appreciation for how great I had things at home.
I had been away for over 20 months when I finally came back to visit for the first time. Almost two years. I decided to come back without telling anybody except for my brothers and one or two friends. (It was not an original idea, I had seen plenty of videos around the backpacker community of people surprising their parents and thought it would be fun.)
I flew in straight from Fiji still wearing my Bula tank and feeling pretty wired to be landing back in the States after so long. I was in such a good mood that the customs guy gave me a double take when I smiled and asked how he was doing and told me better now that someone had actually asked him.
All those American accents around me! Taking green money out of the ATM! Hearing proper US terminology after months of fighting with Brits over whose words were better! The thing is… now I was the weirdo. Apparently I picked up an odd accent from the amalgamation of people I’d been spending time with, and I was using words that don’t make sense in America.
I went and sat outside the Cleveland airport in the summer heat and it felt extremely surreal. My mood faltered slightly when my own brother FORGOT TO PICK ME UP after not seeing me in a year and a half, but after borrowing a cell phone and waiting another hour (“I feel like we got our wires crossed” was the greeting I received), I was on my way home.
My parents were on their way back from their own trip to Montreal that day, so I had some time to shower, settle in, and (attempt to) cuddle my beloved cat, Tiger, before surprising them. The first thing that hit me was the size of our house. It was huge! How did I never realize the massive size of my family’s own house? Granted, I had been staying in cramped dorms full of bunk beds for the last 20 months, but still. All that space.
The second thing that struck me was how much ridiculous stuff I own. I went back into my room and had no idea how or why I needed any of it. I’d been living out of a bag and doing fine, now I had all these things and didn’t even know what to do with it all. It seemed excessive.
Everything in America seemed excessive! The grocery stores were overwhelming in the best way. Do you know how many options we have?! A million flavors of everything. Endless beer selection. It’s awesome. I had a long checklist of restaurants to revisit on my trip home because our food is so delicious.
But then, stuff like bottled water. Why? Isn’t it a waste? When I was traveling, I would buy one bottle of water every month or so and just continue refilling it out of the tap until I decided it needed replaced (with the exception of Asia where you have to buy bottled water). I just couldn’t wrap my head around spending money on something like that again and how much trash it creates.
Why do we have to tip instead of paying workers a living wage? Why aren’t taxes included in the prices listed at the freaking store? Has everyone always had these harsh Cleveland accents? Why doesn't everyone have electric kettles in their homes? Why are we obsessed with putting our flag on everything? Why can’t I walk into the doctor’s office and walk out without paying? How do we get by with such a poor public transport system? Why is everyone so loud?
Really, the sheer size of everything was mindblowing. The stores, the parking lots, the portion sizes, the shots at the bar… I’ve heard people from other countries mention the cars. When Lewis first visited he said the suburban streets in my area look straight out of Desperate Housewives. Personally, I also couldn’t get over the amount of trees everywhere. Our corner of Ohio is full of trees!
So, my parents arrived home that afternoon, and I had my brothers greet them at the door while I waited in the family room. Daniel told them that they had something to show them and to cover their eyes, so they walked into the kitchen with their eyes closed until I came out with a “Hey guys” (didn’t really plan my line) from the couch and both their mouths dropped open. They had literally zero idea that I was coming home and I’ve never seen them so shocked. Their expressions were priceless. There was just enough time for my dad to ask what I was doing here before my mom burst into tears (and my dad got a bit teary too which was a pretty impressive feat on my part).
I stopped by my friend James’s house unannounced as well to take advantage of the surprise factor one more time before I came out with it on Facebook. Obviously there was no emotional scene, but James’s greeting of “You bitch” was almost just as good.
I loved being back home, but it took some adjusting. Some of it was good. I went to Walgreens the day after I got back, and I was totally taken aback when the cashier went out of her way to come over to the aisle I was in and offer me coupons if I came to her when I was ready to check out. Midwesterners are so friendly!
On the other hand, Americans in general aren’t always. Boarding my flight home from Northern Ireland in 2010 after a semester away, some Americans started yelling at me in the aisle for trying to get something out of my bag before I stowed it and “holding up the plane”. The other girls that had been in the program from Kent too were shocked and said that nobody in Ireland would ever do that.
The weirdest thing, I think, is actually how much things can change while you’re away while also staying almost completely the same. It’s these small imperceptible shifts that we don’t notice while we’re in one place, but when you’ve missed a full year and a half, it’s disorienting. Nothing extreme enough to summarize, but enough that things just feel off.
People move. Certain friends no longer hang out in the same groups. Couples break up, others get pregnant or married. All of a sudden, making plans isn’t the same. Whereas maybe before you left, you could get everyone in the same place easily, now you need to make four separate sets of plans and still some people won’t bother. Your local bar closes. You've never heard of the TV show everyone is watching. Everyone now owns creepy home devices that listen to all your conversations and talk back to you, and nobody finds that alarming. Taco Bell starts serving breakfast. It's madness.
Even more oddly, you don’t really end up talking about your travels. It sounds weird, but generally, not many people ask (although granted, this could have a lot to do with Facebook keeping everyone updated anyway). Everyone has been living their lives, and yours has been so far removed. Most people would ask a few broad questions (like “how was it” or “what was your favorite place”), but how do you summarize months and months traveling through multiple countries, meeting loads of strangers, and experiencing all sorts of new and crazy things? I'm currently at 76 blog entries trying to sum up my travels. And talking about it too much in daily conversation just feels pretentious (you don't want to be that person who starts every sentence with, "Well, this one time in BALI..."). Besides, I had missed out on lots in everyone else's lives, so I was more curious about all of those little things that had changed while I was away. Although, don't get me wrong, I love talking about travel if someone is genuinely interested!
It can kind of make your whole experience away feel like a dream. Sometimes while I was away (especially the longer it went on), I would want to be home and establish some stability- house, car, career, pets- those things you can’t have on the move. But as soon as I settle in any one place, I get restless and want to take off again. It’s a constant internal conflict and I’ve pretty much just accepted that it’ll never be resolved.
Traveling really expands your mindset and worldview, and I can easily name dozens of things I discovered abroad that I think the US is really missing out on, but also, coming home, I can find so many things I missed while I was away. I’d say more than being unsettling, reverse culture shock is a cool and somewhat enlightening thing to experience. There’s no place like home, but usually home isn't entirely the place you remember.
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